Through the years, there have been things that I have simply known.  For example, there have been times that I knew I was with people that weren’t right for me, there were times that I knew I was in the wrong educational program, there have been times where I knew I was in a job that wasn’t right for me, there have been times I knew I was being underpaid or mistreated, there have been times when I tried to adopt a parenting style that didn’t mesh with my values, there have been times I have been in a church that didn’t align with what I believed, or in groups that I didn’t belong in, there have been times that I allowed people to treat me in ways I didn’t want to be treated.  All in all, there have been times I have known I was living my life in a way that didn’t align with my value system. 

Yet, I pushed through any number of these bad situations because I was convinced that my deep intuition, my knowing, must be wrong.  I quite simply didn’t believe my very own self.  Now, when I look back (always just in hindsight), I was right all along.  In almost all of these situations, I did know that things didn’t seem right in the moment.  My body told me, my mind told me. But the chatter was louder.  The chatter was telling me that I was wrong, that I was not good enough, that I was too sensitive, that I was overthinking, that I didn’t know what the others knew, that I didn’t know what was best for me – that I was, in fact, the bad one.

So without knowing I was making a choice, I followed the louder voice of the chatter over the deep knowing. 

It’s easy in hindsight, but how can you know in the present moment which voices to listen to?  How can you tell which voices are chatter and which are the deep knowing of your soul?  First, let’s understand a bit more about the characteristics of both types of messages.      

• The deep knowing message is rooted in love, while the chatter message is rooted in fear*.
• The deep knowing message is calm, while the chatter message is frantic and panicky. 
• The deep knowing message is the slow-growing, perennial plant, while the chatter message is the fast-growing, spreading weed.
• The deep knowing message relates to things about me, rather than others, while the chatter message might be about either me or others.
• The deep knowing message will never seek to harm anyone, while the chatter message has no such restriction.

* This is not to say that you won’t be afraid of taking action based on what you know deep in your soul.  The fear might be there anyway –  in fact, it likely will be.  But the knowing will bring you a sense of peace.

Deciphering between the messages that come from deep knowing and the messages that arise out of chatter is not simple and/or clear-cut.  In fact, it can be quite tricky, so be patient with yourself and give yourself the room to start getting curious.  It’s ok to make mistakes. 

Take out a piece of paper and draw a circle in the middle of the paper.  Write down what you have identified as your deep knowing messages inside the circle.  Anywhere outside the circle, write the chatter messages. 

Now with these in mind, use the following exercises to try and further distinguish between the two:

• Read one of the messages.  How does this message make you feel in your body?  When you are feeling something, anything, let yourself feel it.  Many times, when we start to feel any discomfort we are tempted to push past it, try to numb it or squelch it (with food, alcohol, TV, spending, overthinking, etc.). 
• Read one of the messages.  Now try getting really still and quiet.  Picture an ideal parent with their arms around a child (perhaps this child is you, or perhaps you are the parent – maybe you are just watching this scene from the outside).  What is this ideal parent telling the child?  Is this message one that you might actually hear from an ideal parent?  The ideal parent will often deliver messages of deep knowing, messages of love and encouragement.  Messages based on chatter are higher-pitched and frantic, fear-based, and certainly not ones that would be delivered by this ideal parent.
• Again, read one of the messages.  Does the message resonate low and slow or does it feel high-pitched and frantic?  Is the message aimed at short-term pain prevention (chatter) or long-term growth (deep knowing)?  Does the message try to tear you down (chatter) or build you up (deep knowing)?    

Once you can hear the low, resonant truth, you can start to separate out or peel away some of the chatter. 

But this is just a starting point.  Even when you do know the truth, it can be difficult to know what actions to take accordingly.  Sometimes you will find yourself still second-guessing & spinning in circles. 

Once you recognize the chatter, have compassion.  The chatter messages have been trying to keep you safe too. And over time, the voices from the chatter have become indistinguishable from your true voice.  Remember that this is not a “trust-your-first-gut-feeling” exercise.  This is an exercise in pausing, considering, trusting.

If you are used to listening to other people, either by asking them directly or seeking advice from books or podcasts or the internet, it can feel dangerous to stop seeking and start listening to ourselves.  Maybe you think you don’t know anything.  Maybe you find it hard to trust yourself.

Maybe you have the inclination to believe that trusting yourself and doing what you know you should be doing rather than what others want you to do is selfish. It’s not.  That is the very definition of taking care of yourself.  You are uniquely qualified to care for your own self – nobody else is going to do it as well as you can, and it isn’t even fair to ask them to do so.  Think about this, if you take care of yourself rather than expecting others to take care of you, you are lifting a burden from them.  That is not selfish.  That is important.

Maybe you’re worried about not fulfilling your commitments if you start listening to this voice.  Remember that there will be a settling phase, where things have to come into alignment.  Part of trusting yourself will undoubtedly be knowing that you need to fulfill commitments you have already made.  You will eventually learn to not make commitments beyond what you know is in alignment with you.  Over time, this will work itself out.  In the meantime, you will likely need to continue doing those things you have already committed to.  So, fulfill commitments and then re-commit to something more in alignment with your values.

This is a slow process of realignment, not something that happens overnight.

The chatter voices will no doubt rear back up at some point, probably quickly at first.  If so, revisit the exercises above to reevaluate where those voices belong.

It is certainly a lifelong challenge to learn to distinguish the high-level chatter from the root knowing.  This is at the very core of the act & art of living.