The problem with labels is that they are too simplistic. If I label you as x, y or z, then I am saying that I know you completely. If I call you a narcissist, then I tend to interpret the things you do within the box of what they know about narcissism. If I label you with Borderline Personality Disorder, same thing….I think I know you, so I stop trying to understand you. Whatever I label you with, I am assuming that I can now read a textbook to know what makes you tick rather than just talking to you and seeing you as the unique and wonderful person that you are.
Another problem with labels is that when somebody has been labeled, others around them tend to blame all problems on them, and they tend to accept the blame. If I have a child that has a label (autism, ADHD, etc.) then all familial problems can now be viewed through the lens of this child and their problems. This takes the burden off of the others in the family to continue to grow and change and evolve themselves. Now, the burden to improve and change and grow is only on the labeled child. This is dangerous for the whole system. First of all, the child might learn to identify as a victim OR as the reason for all of the problems surrounding them. This puts them at higher risk for depression and anxiety. Knowing that you have the impetus of making all the changes is a lot of stress. Knowing that the people around you blame you for all the problems is a lot of stress. And knowing that those around you now blame you, and feel no need to take personal responsibility for anything – that is stressful and completely unfair.
Each of us is a unique individual. Yes, I will not take away the fact that some of us are dealt a hand in life that is more challenging than others. Some of us have easy temperaments, while others of us are more high strung. But we are all completely beautiful AND we all have the uniquely human responsibility to grow and mature and develop as people. We can all learn to be kinder, to give others the benefit of the doubt. We can all learn to love more and accuse less. We cannot assume that only labeled individuals are the ones with problems and we cannot assume that a label means that a person fits neatly into a little labeled box.
One thing that is certain is that each of us has developed in an entirely unique set of circumstances and has developed into a completely and utterly unique individual. Labels are attempts at putting people into categories, but just like when categorizing any single object, you can always find beauty and differences within the categories. Usually when you start categorizing objects, at first they seem easy to categorize – easily recognizable. As you then begin to categorize within a category, you can easily find the differences within the originally categorized group. And so on. If you keep tuning your eyes to look for the differences, for the beauty, if you will, within each subcategory, you will always find it. No two people are alike. All people are beautiful.
If it helps give you a direction or a way toward loving a person more completely, then categorize away, but remember that you, also, can fit into some type of category. So never look at the others around you as being the source of the problem. Each of us can grow and improve and develop and learn. Focus on your own growth and never stop trying to understand, on a deep level, the people in your world. Each person around you has something to offer that is completely unique to them. Love them.
