One of the first things I chose to work on after my fateful night at the gas station was my defensiveness. I began to notice that I immediately reacted when anybody said anything to me that bordered on a subject about which I was insecure. The thought dawned on me that I might be able to see myself objectively. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t hurt to laugh at myself just a little bit. Maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world to see myself from the outside and assume that people could like me even if I wasn’t proving that I was ok at every single implied slight.

It was at least worth an experiment. It started very slowly for me. I chose situations where I would normally have lashed out in anger at the people around me, and I made the very conscious choice to do the opposite. I agreed with them and even laughed a little. It was like an actual and absolute miracle. Most people were really nice. I had spent all of my years thinking that people were just not that nice. I had spent all of my years thinking that people were “just no damn good.” But it turns out that they weren’t so bad. And, more importantly, when I laughed at myself, the people around me were nicer. Or they seemed nicer.

I chose one day to look at a picture of myself from several years prior and laugh at my eyebrows. I chose to make a little fun of them by calling them caterpillars on my face. My sister was with me at that time, and I remember her looking at me with shock on her face. She gleefully joined in and we both mocked my caterpillar eyebrows for a few minutes. It was a life-changing and magical experience.

It was another step on the road I had chosen to walk. I was developing my new outlook on life and each step was ridiculously rewarding. Onward…