There is always going to be something you just don’t want to do.
In fact, there are lots of things I don’t want to do in a given day. Some of those things are actually things I enjoy. Let’s say that I decided I was going to exercise three times per week and today is one of those days. And I just don’t want to. I often look forward to reading or playing the piano. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed or unfocused.
And sometimes what you have to do are the chores – the not-so-fun tasks. For me, those things usually center around cleaning, mowing the grass, paying bills – you get the idea.
With either category, getting started is the hardest part. In order to get yourself going, try doing these three simple steps.
1.) Aim low.
2.) Set a timer.
3.) Reward yourself.
Aim Low
1. Aiming low looks like this:
If I agreed to exercise today, I would set myself a minimum threshold of exercise – this can be as simple as walking around the block.
If I need to focus on a particular task at work, I would make sure that my task is small – if necessary, break the task up into subtasks and just focus on one of the subtasks.
Building that accountability, that trust in yourself, is critical.
The walk around the block signals to your brain that you can do it.
In fact, let’s say you haven’t been exercising. Rather than setting as your goal going on a 3-mile run 5 days per week, or going to the gym for an hour 4 days per week, try slowly building that habit by committing to walking around the block every day for the week (or two weeks). You need some successes. You need to learn that you can trust yourself.
Maybe commit to going to the gym for 20 minutes per day 3 times per week for a month. Something that you know you can do – that will set you up for success.
I was recently having trouble motivating myself to do a weightlifting program. The message/story I told myself was that if I went to the gym, I had to go for at least 45 minutes. I don’t the origin of that rule, but it was deeply engrained in my brain. I first acknowledged that that was a rule that I had for myself and then I challenged it.
As it was, because I never felt like I had 45 minutes to go to the gym (which is a topic for another day, because I absolutely did), I was never going to the gym. The program I was following at the time was only a 20-minute program and I didn’t know what to do for the rest of the 25 minutes.
What did I decide to do? I decided to let myself off of the hook. I would do the weight-training program – however long it took – and then I would leave.
The arguments I had with myself in my head were fierce: That’s not what people do. People will laugh at you, mock you. You are lazy. You are awful.
I thanked those messages for trying to motivate me to do more and then went to the gym, did my workout and left. Because the time commitment was shorter now, I was motivated to go more often. I was going three times per week rather than three times per month. So, my total time at the gym increased from 135 minutes per month to 240 minutes per month. And all because I lowered my standards and aimed a little lower.
Once I got back into the habit, I didn’t dread it so much. (And I started staying longer sometimes.)
Set a Timer
2. So, once you have a reasonable (and relatively low) expectation for yourself, set a timer. This is important to get you started. You might even be working on a task that you absolutely love (playing the piano, say) but you can’t focus on it for long enough. You might have to do something that you don’t love so much, so set an amount of time on the timer that you think is appropriate for the task at hand (remember to aim low).
The time depends a lot on your day and the task and your mental state – how long the timer is doesn’t matter as much as just the actual doing it. Make sure that you set the timer and then you do the thing for that amount of time without distractions.
It is important to set an actual timer (rather than just tell yourself you will focus for 15 minutes) – that way you won’t be tempted to frequently check the clock.
Let’s say you need to work on a paper for a class or a presentation for work. Set a timer for 15 (or 20 or 30) minutes. Then just work on that paper or presentation until the timer goes off. When the timer goes off, you will sometimes find that you are in the flow of the work and you are happy to restart the timer. Or you can give yourself a break (5 or 10 minutes) to do whatever you want (see the rewarding yourself section below) and then reset another timer.
Reward Yourself
3. Reward yourself – When you’ve accomplished your goal or finished your focused period of work, it’s a great idea to reward yourself.
Maybe I’m struggling to get my work done because I want to watch TikTok videos that my friend sent me. After my 30 minute work timer goes off, I will set myself another timer (usually shorter – 10 or 15 minutes) to indulge in mindless, guilt-free TikTok video-watching. You might be tempted to feel guilty during this time or you might feel like you are wasting time, but it’s important to let this by guilt-free splurge time. Focus during focus time and play during play time.
When I don’t have designated focus time, I usually find myself wasting more time than just this 10-minute period in an hour. So, it’s important to be completely honest with yourself – this is likely increasing your productivity by a lot. I imagine that without doing this, your numbers would likely be flipped – your unfocused time in any typical hour probably far exceeds your focus time. So, once you set up your plan, make sure to indulge guilt-free during the splurge times.
If you are trying to get better at exercising or cleaning or something mindless like that, another idea is to find some way to incentivize yourself along the way. For example, I love audio books and podcasts. Sometimes I find a particular book that I am enjoying a lot and I designate that my “exercise” book – I only let myself listen to that book when I am exercising (weight lifting, biking, running, walking, etc.). Soon I start associating exercise with this favorite audio book and I start to look forward to it, extending my exercise time to continue the book. Or maybe it’s my “cleaning” book – I then find that I start to look forward to cleaning, which isn’t something I would normally do!
Another idea is to reward yourself at the end of the week for meeting your weekly goals. If I love milkshakes, I probably wouldn’t want to reward myself with a milkshake each day after exercising – that would be pretty counterproductive. But maybe I tell myself that I will reward myself with a single milkshake on Friday if I achieve my exercise goals (remember – the lowered-standard gym goals) for the week.
Have fun with the reward and make it something that makes sense for you!
BONUS
And also…a huge perk of letting yourself lower your own standards is that you are then less likely to feel judgment about the people around you who aren’t living up to what you think they should be doing. Just the fact that I am wondering if people are going to judge me for going to gym and leaving after 20 minutes might indicate that I am judging others if I notice them doing the same.
I will be honest – if I think somebody is going to judge me for something, it is extremely likely that I am judging them for something similar. Letting myself off the hook often results in me letting go of my judgments of others. Maybe now if you see someone at the gym coming and going quickly, you will be more charitable towards them.
Try and catch yourself in this. Sure, you can’t control what others think but you can control what you think. If you are finding yourself being judgmental, you can change the story in your head by being kind to your very own self. Stop judging yourself and stop judging others. So, try to catch yourself in the act for both things.
