There is a piece of me that is obsessed with perfection, and fixing things that are broken. At all costs and as fast as possible. This applies to relationships, and in that context it doesn’t work so well. While it feels to me like something I “need”, it sometimes creates more problems than it solves. Whether what I need to solve, be it a broken relationship or a health issue or something completely different, the approach of eradicating the difficulties might be misguided.
When I am walking along my path and I see what appears to be danger ahead, might they actually be necessary obstacles? Maybe my perception is wholly accurate; maybe I am perceiving that it is something needing fixing, when what it needs from me is merely attention and for me to either pass it and keep on walking or walk through the danger or with the danger, acknowledging that it is there while staying full present for what its purpose might be. I can fully feel the fear provoked in me and I can keep going regardless. If I choose to turn back and run away, I might miss something valuable.
Let’s say I find a friend that has joined me for the path for a bit. We walk mostly comfortably together for some time and then this companion of mine becomes agitated. They grow restless and when they see a fork in the road, they take it. I am confused – they might have even lashed out at me with anger or annoyance. If I follow them, thrashing and begging them to come back to my path, I might grow full of despair and become disheartened by their seeming indifference (or even anger) toward me. I might try to convince them to stay on my path with me. I might even try to walk their path briefly. Perhaps they will ignore me, trying to shake me off. But I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I will certainly complain and try to get them to engage.
Or maybe I chose instead to keep walking along my own path, but I keep looking back over my shoulder, calling out for them or yelling angry words at them. I might break down in tears, and just stop moving forward, waiting for them to come to their senses and return to the path.
If I choose either of these options, I will miss seeing what is currently surrounding me, what is right next to me, where I am, the blessings of the path.
If I choose to accept their choice and instead pay attention to the where I am, I will not fret that I should have followed them and I will not worry that I should stop and wait for them. I will know that is not the way either. I will accept that they have gone their way and I have gone mine. I enjoyed our time on the path together, and now I will enjoy my time on the path alone or with the others around me. I will refocus my attention to the part of the path I now find myself on. I will trust my inner sense that I am going the correct way for me and I will not give up in despair or seek reassurance from any other travelers I might meet along the way. Instead, I keep my gaze on where I am, not lamenting what is gone, nor fearing what might be up ahead. And when a new traveling companion strikes up a conversation, I will listen and engage. In the meantime, I notice the beautiful butterfly that has just landed on the wildflowers along my route.
Perhaps I will then stop to build a cairn in case somebody else might be heading my way.
