Often when we give advice to others, it is advice that we should be giving to ourselves.

When each my girls were in English class their sophomore year, their teacher asked me to write them a letter of advice. I wrote a different letter for each daughter. Now that I look back at one of those letters, I see that I could have written it to myself as well as to them.

Here is that letter:

Dear Daughter,

Your teacher asked me to write you a letter of advice, just as Polonius did for Laertes.  (Are you impressed?) 😊

As you head out into the rest of your life, I want you to know first and foremost that I am extremely proud to be your mother.  You have impacted me in ways that you will never fully understand.  Good and meaningful ways.  I also want you to always know that you are stronger than you know.  You will feel weak and alone sometimes, as everybody does.  But trust in your strength.  And your wisdom.  And know that you can and will get through all the difficult times.

Your light has shone into this world in so many ways and I have grown so much just by having known you, which sounds weird, because I’m your mom.  But you are an individual person and you are separate from me and you are amazing.  You have an absolutely beautiful soul.

I know that I have little more to give you in the way of advice that I haven’t been teaching you since the moment you were born.  Some of my advice, learned no doubt through observation rather than words, hasn’t been good and some has been.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers.  In fact, I have learned as much from you as I hope you have learned from me.  I am always here to listen.  I offer you the following thoughts as you move out of my house into a full life of your own creation.

 So, here are some thoughts, just a few, that I would want you to keep in mind as you move forward:

 ·         Obviously, I have to start with the fact that you are snazzier than you think you are.  I can say that with absolute certainty.  Even if you think you’re snazzy, I guarantee you that you are snazzier.  I don’t say that lightly or as a joke at all.  It is simply truth.

 ·         You are stronger than you think you are.  Even though I wish I could prevent it, you will feel weak and alone sometimes – everybody does.  But trust in your strength.  And your wisdom.  Listen to yourself.  And know that you can and will not only get through all the difficult times, but you will thrive.

 ·         Always act with integrity.  The world is not always fair, and lack of fairness can be maddening.  Continue to act with integrity.  You only have control over your own actions and if you can be proud of those actions, you will have no reason to have regrets.

 ·         Never quit on the uphill.  Whether you are running or riding a bike or struggling through life’s challenges, when you are on an uphill section, things can seem unbearably tough.  But you can be certain that downhill (i.e., easy) sections are coming soon.  The uphill sections can seem excessively long, but they are making you stronger.  Make no drastic decisions during these uphill sections.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Good times are never too far away.

 ·         Recognize the importance of community and friendships.  We are social by nature and our lives are meant to be intertwined with others’ lives.  Freely offer help to others and feely accept help from others.    

 ·         When you are feeling down, take a deep breath, feel your feelings and then focus on bringing happiness to others and see what happens.

 ·         Be grateful.  Write down the things you are grateful for and focus on those things.  Remember that it is not joy that makes us grateful, but gratitude that make us joyful.

 ·         Abundance is not something we acquire, but something we tune into.  Pay attention to the beautiful world around you.

 ·         Admit when you are wrong, apologize and generously forgive yourself and others.  Acknowledge that you will sometimes make mistakes, overreact, and say or do things that you will regret.  Cultivate the ability to ask for forgiveness, forgive (yourself and others) and move forward.

 ·         Remember how loved and cherished you are and always love and cherish yourself. 

You are a beautiful soul.  I adore and love you completely.  I completely trust in you.  

Love, 

Me