(AKA How I Learned to Do Just About Everything)

When I was younger, I got hurt easily.  I was always perceiving slights and feeling unloved.  When I was about 18 or 19, I decided to break that habit – I resolved to learn to laugh at myself.  In situations that were uncomfortable and when my instinct was to self-protect and I would make the conscious and deliberate choice to laugh.

Did it work?  It absolutely did.

When I find myself wanting to change something or develop a new skill, I write that intention down in a notebook.  I then practice.  I find opportunities throughout the day to practice, however slowly and gradually, the skill I’m hoping to achieve. 

For instance, when I decided that I needed to put myself out there more in groups (i.e., speak up), I wrote this down in my notebook.  Then the next time I had the opportunity, I said something in a group setting when I normally wouldn’t have.  I recorded this in my notebook.  Each time I did this, I realized that I could actually survive it – in fact, I often found that I liked it – that it offered my some unexpected reward.  I gave myself a goal of putting myself out there three times per day, which forced me to look for opportunities to grow.  Over time, the rewards were so great, and I had proven to myself that I could actually survive such risks, and it became more and more natural.

I try to pick a single goal or thing to work on at any given time so that I don’t get overwhelmed.  Deciding to speak up, laugh at myself more, become less defensive, compliment more people, smile more – all of these things I have been able to achieve using this method, but most definitely not all in one week, or even one year.    

The important thing is to choose something and then intentionally practice it. You get to decide what that something is. Then just take a step and practice it one time. Then one more time. Then again and again. If you forget for awhile, that’s ok. When you remember, do it again. Baby steps. It will get easier and easier.